The Autism Diaries?! (Part 1)

A new occasional series here at “Sounds Good”

There are clothes I cannot wear. When a person walks slowly in front of me, or walks too slow, or creeps up real fast I silently rage. My headphones block out most of the world — the way I like it. I cannot wear socks inside. Nor shoes. Ever. I have to drop whatever I’ve been wearing as soon as I arrive home, replacing it with tshirt and shorts, if I’m lucky both will be baggy. I cannot stand certain noises, but industrial clatter feels like a music for my soul. Sometimes, I’ll spend too long trying to find the right ambient album to pair with the outside noise. If I’m lucky, I get it right, and experience just a few minutes of aural bliss, conducting my own cacophony into a symphony. But often the noise outside finishes, and I feel sad for a little bit. At least I have Tangerine Dream, Pink Floyd, The Beach Boys, Bob Dylan, The Beatles, Todd Rundgren, Lindsey Buckingham solo, and all of Fleetwood Mac to be forever “researching”, and listening to. If someone unplugs a charger that I have strategically placed, fuck I get annoyed. There’s a rage that sits there, irrational to many, but it makes so much sense to me. Until I out it. Then I feel pretty stupid pretty quickly. This is me. And I’ve always been like it. But I feel myself growing more into it, becoming a part of it, rather than sitting apart from it. I just had to go get someone a Christmas Mince pie. I cannot stand this nonsense. How is it mince, and also just get fucked anyway. I’m happy to go and get food for people. But I had to tell a crowd that did not care that it wasn’t for me, I was just the messenger. More than that though, I used the sentence, “I know you don’t care that I don’t like this food but I can’t walk back in there with you even thinking for a minute that not only might this be for me, but that I might really like this kind of shit, when I do not. I cannot fucking stand this phoney seasonal-mince-made-out-of-fruit shit”.