Short Story: "It's A Great Day For New Zealand", says Fitzy and Bluey

A short story about a typical weekend in the middle of October in New Zealand in 2023.

Fitzy and Bluey are very happy. They live in the greatest country in the world. New Zealand. Can you say, “Nuuew Zilan!” Great. You’re on your way to happiness. You are in the right!

Last night was a very big night for Bluey. He had his best blue suit on and he looked smart. Very smart. He won the popular vote. Which means he can make all the rubbish bins and public toilets have their proper names again!

This is one of the keys in getting New Zealand “Back On Track”. Bluey’s fans started chanting this. They even started chanting Bluey’s wife’s name at one point. “Amanda! Amanda!” they said.

It was good to get that clarified. Because it almost sounded for a second like they were shouting “Fuck the poor! Fuck the poor”. It can be really hard to tell sometimes!

Fitzy did his bit by voting for Bluey. Of course. And then by winning the big game of rugby. Fitzy is good at rugby. And it is important that everyone knows this. Because it is one of the true measures of what makes New Zealand great!

New Zealand is really good at being the best in the world at a sport not many people play. And for a while there Fitzy wasn’t quite as good as he used to be. (Fitzy was getting a bit lazy!)

But with Fitzy and Bluey both winning it appears all of New Zealand’s problems are fixed. (New Zealand was getting a bit lazy!) The bad woman that only cared about keeping New Zealanders alive during COVID is gone.

She kept 20,000 people from dying, and as a thank you they bullied her and pointed out that she couldn’t have been doing her ‘real’ job. She was milking kindness instead. And had to go. So she left. She will be better somewhere else.

Auckland did not like living inside their houses forever (for three months). The people in the very big houses made the most noise about this. It was very tough being in there with only one bathroom per person.

And so with 20,000 people saved from dying in a brutal pandemic, that gave the right wing of the Kiwi even more strength to vote out the left wing. The wings of the Kiwi can’t even fly anyway.

But that doesn’t matter. Because Bluey is so good at flying - he will get the Kiwi back on track. And even probably will make it fly again. Bluey helped Kiwis fly before you see! And Fitzy winning the game helped poverty!

Bluey was so thrilled to hear that Fitzy has helped him cure the problems of New Zealand. He started chanting his own wife’s name just as loudly as he could. But it still sounded to some like he was saying “Fuck the poor! Fuck the poor!”

It can be really hard to tell sometimes!

The End?

For many of us…