Short Story: Anyone For Seconds?

I’d shit in ya mouth if ya wanted me to! Oh yes, I would. That’s the number two thing I would do for you. First off would be introducing myself. I like to start off slow. I’m an old-fashioned sort of a gent. I’d say how do you do? Or something like that. Then, the follow-up question is going to be a bit weirder, what do do you do? And that is – of cours…