Porkies

Wednesday is about books. Or writing. And so today it’s a new short story by me. “Enjoy”…

When we all learned that David Cameron had received an absentee blowjob from the carved-off face of a porcine animal it was 2015. Dirty Pig!

It wasn’t the worst thing that David Cameron had done. And anyway, many of us had already seen a TV show a few years earlier that satirised it all. We weren’t resting on our trotters. No, we’d pretty much worked it out, laughing through the implausibility, whilst despairing at the reality – because isn’t that always the way. And with everything.

To learn to be a psychopath, they teach elite wankers to burn a fifty-pound banknote in front of a homeless person.

You know this is something you’ll never have. You know I have more of these than I need. (You know I have more than you’ll ever get. And can get more almost immediately). You know there are more people than this earth needs and since I’m the one with the blowtorch, I get to make the decisions, and with fewer of you lot around I’m freer for more dead-pig soft-sausage sucks.

That’s the Major way it works.

Snowballs from there…

Four legs good, two legs bad, that’s how it went in the book, and the film.

David Cameron was probably thinking three legs wonderful, legless equals homeless. So they’re not going to do anything with a fifty-pound note but get drunk and maybe steal a chance for me to fuck another dead pig.

We are all equal, some more so than others. That’s how you get to be lord of all lands, lord of all animals, including the two-legged ones.

Set them to work, give back to them the bare minimum that will prevent them from starving, and keep the rest for himself. Even that last part seems stretched. Big Brother might be watching, but he’s never been any sort of scorekeeper at all.