How Humpty Dumpty Is Going To Have The Very Best Autumn (Thanks To Poor People Being Lazy)

Wednesday is about political rants. But sometimes books and writing. Today it’s a rant about the elected leader of the country being all proud of himself and shit.

The Real Christopher Luxon Is Standing Up (To The Extreme Right of this Photograph)

Humpty Dumpty sat on all fours,

Humpty Dumpty had a great call,

Let all the great leaders and Olympians and workers keep doing great things for this country

And dole-bludger losers can go get fucked, you lazy, problematic swine.

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Okay, so it’s an early version of the old rhyme. And once they eventually unbuttoned the suit jacket to rescue the contents, they were able to let a leaner, sharper verse slide out of the casing.

But geez, Luxon is a terrible goat isn’t he.

All chilled out entertainer vibing with the Olympians over private video calls to obviously share with social media one minute, then complacently unaware how much the Job Seeker benefit is even worth the next, because, you know it’s worth a bit to the taxpayer in projected savings, but it’s not worth knowing the actual amount of the source for the revenue.

That’s mere details, guv. And besides, the gun lobbyist in charge of guns knows more than the police, so of course the person with seven houses is going to know more than the people that can’t even afford a house. It’s obvious, blood.

Also, we’re talking simple obligations, mate. Turn up. Simple. And that’s why the traffic light is in place. To keep it simple, stupid. But don’t keep it too simple.

Like, if you’re going to ask Luxo the numbers around pricing around actual amounts around the core value around the total of the monetary fund that he has paid out to the poors, and you like actually want to know how many dollars and common cents are attached to the string that is tied around the ring finger of the PM, well, that’s just bloody rude asking man.

And anyway, it doesn’t even matter. It’s a matter of principle bro. And this principal is going to do things differently. Like calculating on the fly eh. Like making big Humpty Grumpy calls and watching them all have a great fall, so he can have the very best autumn.

And you reckon one of Ol Mate Lux’s houses has even gone up in value while he was off working elsewhere and not even caring about that? Is that a fact? Did you check with the scientists in their lab coats about that, did you? Because we don’t really care what Dr Science and Professor Nerd are up to. They’re not exactly wrong, but they couldn’t be more right than Luxon.

And so, he’s just not too bothered about that sort of money piling up. Because that’s opportunity. And opportunity arrives when you’ve got your jacket fully buttoned up so that it can’t slip out the sides.

And a PM not knowing that his $7m home went up by about $2.3m in just a year isn’t a biggie mate. I mean what good are optics, eh? You can’t tax optics. You can’t redistribute optics. They’re beneficial, I guess. But that’s a benefit that’s decent. The good kind.